Reuters and tons of other financial publications are reporting that Gamestop is threatening to buy eBay. Ryan Cohen needs GameStop to hit $100 billion market cap or his $35 billion compensation package evaporates. GameStop is worth $12 billion. eBay is worth $46 billion. You do the math. This isn’t strategy. It’s desperation dressed up as ambition.
But here’s the thing: GameStop doesn’t have the money. Their valuation is less than a quarter of eBay’s. So how does this work? Borrow it. Load up on debt, buy eBay, then pass that debt onto the acquired company. Classic private equity playbook, except GameStop isn’t a private equity firm. It’s a mall retailer that somehow still sells Funko Pops. GameStop buying eBay is like if Blockbuster decided to buy Netflix in 2010, except Blockbuster wasn’t run by a guy who needed a 10x valuation to get paid.
The meme stock crowd will love it though. GME up 7% on the rumor, eBay up 10%. Retail investors still think Cohen’s playing 4D chess. Maybe he is. Or maybe he’s just trying to get paid before the music stops. If eBay says no, he goes directly to shareholders. Hostile takeover of a company four times your size with money you don’t have. Bold. Stupid, but bold.
For eBay sellers though? This is a nightmare. Individual sellers, regular people flipping used goods, collectors trying to offload old hardware—they’re the ones at risk. GameStop’s entire business model is undercutting trade-in values and reselling at markup. Now imagine that philosophy applied to eBay’s marketplace. Your vintage PS2 lot? GameStop’s algorithm just lowballed you.
eBay’s been messy forever. Scams, weird listings, that one guy selling vintage PC parts at 3am. But it’s ours. GameStop comes in? Their track record doesn’t exactly scream competence. This is a Hail Mary from a company that should’ve stayed selling used games in strip malls. Ripples for years if it happens. None of them good probably.
Sure, it’s better than Amazon buying eBay. At least GameStop doesn’t have AWS to subsidize predatory pricing. But that’s a low bar. The realistic outcomes range from “eBay gets dissolved and absorbed” to “GameStop runs it into the ground chasing Cohen’s valuation target.” I can’t think of many good endings here.
Losing eBay as an independent platform would suck. It’s where you go when Amazon’s too corporate, when you need that weird part from 1997, when you want to haggle with a stranger at 2am. GameStop’s track record? Abymsal trade-ins, questionable business moves, a CEO who needs a 10x valuation to get paid. Absorbing eBay into that mess feels like losing something that actually worked, even when it didn’t. Cohen might pull it off. Meme stocks defy logic. But if he does, ripples for years. None of them good probably.
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